31ST MAY 2024

I have screwed up so much in these last few years of my life, mainly pushing away Candy, my love and soulmate for whom I still very much love and I always will do.

In late 2020, I pushed her away because I was frightened that I was going to die and I thought it would be easier for her if we were not together. I know! How fucking stupid was that! Dumbass!

Anyway, I broke Candy’s heart in two and I ruined everything.

She tried to commit suicide several times, for which I could not do myself. On that night when she broke her ankle, she was planning on hanging herself at the bridge where those horses are near Fletcher’s farm is located. But something stopped her. But she still broke her ankle because she was drunk and tripped over a branch and passed out for two ours and was found and rescued by a nice couple and taken to hospital.

Anyway, today on the 31^{st of} May 2024, Candy broke down in tears over the whole business with the neighbours and also everything to do with me as she’s worried about me because I’ve not been feeling too well today. She even bought herself a bottle of Jack Daniels and she also self-harmed herself as well by cutting her left wrist again. It’s all my fault, she is so sad and lonely and fed up.

She does not want to kill herself as she knows that I still need help and somebody needs to look after me, she still cares about me and she loves me but she is no longer in love with me anymore.

That hurts but I don’t blame her as I have caused all of this. I have hurt and ruined a lovely, funny, intelligent, and very beautiful and sexy lady who is my soulmate, we were always meant to be together forever and ever, but all of this is hurting her.

The neighbours are nasty here and they are bullying her.

I’ve suggested that maybe wr should move away, someplace else, we don’t want too as this is our home, the first place I’ve felt at home since leaving MK back in 2004.

I’ve even suggested marriage counselling for us to get back on track as a couple, as after everything we have been through, we can’t let my screw up between us finish us for good. We have always been us against them!

I cannot lose her; I cannot lose my light and happiness.

I need to get these neighbours sorted out, I will ask for the police details off Candy tomorrow, so I can email PC Victoria Nobel.

I wish I can use a magick spell to make all this better, turn back time, etc.

Why was I such a coward and push her away and even flinched at her touch, yes some of that was done to my pain levels and I have explained it to her and she knows that it’s not my fault but what a fucking screwup I was in doing so.

I am now tired, and I’ve used up a lot of energy, but I will use more to keep going for her, I van’t end my life as I know what will happen to her. Why is living such a hard job?

I still love her!