PTSD

 Not all PTSD sufferers come from military service.

I thought I had been suffering for the last 11 years since losing my legs, but in fact it's been since my childhood and the way I was treated by my parents with emotional and physical abuse.

31ST MAY 2024

I have screwed up so much in these last few years of my life, mainly pushing away Candy, my love and soulmate for whom I still very much love and I always will do.

In late 2020, I pushed her away because I was frightened that I was going to die and I thought it would be easier for her if we were not together. I know! How fucking stupid was that! Dumbass!

Anyway, I broke Candy’s heart in two and I ruined everything.

She tried to commit suicide several times, for which I could not do myself. On that night when she broke her ankle, she was planning on hanging herself at the bridge where those horses are near Fletcher’s farm is located. But something stopped her. But she still broke her ankle because she was drunk and tripped over a branch and passed out for two ours and was found and rescued by a nice couple and taken to hospital.

Anyway, today on the 31^{st of} May 2024, Candy broke down in tears over the whole business with the neighbours and also everything to do with me as she’s worried about me because I’ve not been feeling too well today. She even bought herself a bottle of Jack Daniels and she also self-harmed herself as well by cutting her left wrist again. It’s all my fault, she is so sad and lonely and fed up.

She does not want to kill herself as she knows that I still need help and somebody needs to look after me, she still cares about me and she loves me but she is no longer in love with me anymore.

That hurts but I don’t blame her as I have caused all of this. I have hurt and ruined a lovely, funny, intelligent, and very beautiful and sexy lady who is my soulmate, we were always meant to be together forever and ever, but all of this is hurting her.

The neighbours are nasty here and they are bullying her.

I’ve suggested that maybe wr should move away, someplace else, we don’t want too as this is our home, the first place I’ve felt at home since leaving MK back in 2004.

I’ve even suggested marriage counselling for us to get back on track as a couple, as after everything we have been through, we can’t let my screw up between us finish us for good. We have always been us against them!

I cannot lose her; I cannot lose my light and happiness.

I need to get these neighbours sorted out, I will ask for the police details off Candy tomorrow, so I can email PC Victoria Nobel.

I wish I can use a magick spell to make all this better, turn back time, etc.

Why was I such a coward and push her away and even flinched at her touch, yes some of that was done to my pain levels and I have explained it to her and she knows that it’s not my fault but what a fucking screwup I was in doing so.

I am now tired, and I’ve used up a lot of energy, but I will use more to keep going for her, I van’t end my life as I know what will happen to her. Why is living such a hard job?

I still love her!

DICK DASTARDLY'S MEAN MACHINE!

 

THE ABYSS

 Last night, I watched "The Abyss" a 2023 Swedish disaster film on Netflix. The Original title is "Avgrunden"

"Frigga, who tries to balance her risky job as a security manager in the Kiirunavaara mine with her family life, has to fight for her life and the lives of her loved ones when her city starts collapsing into the mine."

This film is inspired by real events that actually happened in May 2020 in the town of Kiruna, Sweden.

The town of Kiruna is home to the world’s largest underground iron ore mine — and the mining operations that’ve been happening there since the late 1800s have made the ground unstable. Kiruna is indeed being slowly demolished and rebuilt two miles away to save the town and its inhabitants. The relocation project, which began around 2004, is set to complete in 2035.

This was an alright movie to watch and there was plenty of deaths among the cast, which was cool. They were not afraid of killing of the kids either!

I do not know any of the cast members but they all did a good job in their roles.

I enjoyed it and it passed the time away last night.

I shall rate this film a score of 7/10.

MARY POPPINS AND PENNYWISE ARE SIBLINGS

 Mary Poppins and Pennywise are creatures of the same species.

Each returns every 20-something years (Pennywise 27, Mary Poppins 25) to regenerate energy from a new group of children, but also have a tendency to return to those they met on their last visit (Pennywise returns to the Losers, Mary Poppins returns to the Bankses.)

Mary Poppins manages to maintain energy for 25 years despite interacting with less children than Pennywise requires for 27 years as she relies on children’s joy, unlike Pennywise who relies on their fear, and as proven in Monsters Inc children’s laughter is worth more than their fear.

Upon each of their returns, they draw a child named Georgie away from their siblings with a paper toy, then appear alongside that toy to return it to Georgie (Mary Poppins returns Georgie's kite, Pennywise acts as though he’s returning Georgie’s boat.)

Each has the same set of powers, in which they can take advantage of what lies in the children’s minds (Mary Poppins uses their imagination, Pennywise uses their fear.)

Mary Poppins famously has a living reflection that can function separately from her, and Pennywise is shown to share this ability in Chapter Two.

In each of these stories, the parents are oblivious to the fantastical situations being experienced by the children.

The Losers club forget their experiences as children until Pennywise returns, and although the Banks children do not forget Mary Poppins, they do forget that the magical experiences actually happened, and they remember Mary Poppins as just a nanny.

Each has a love for singing and dancing, which should be obvious for Mary Poppins, but becomes clearer for Pennywise when you remember that he refers to himself as Pennywise the Dancing Clown, dances for Beverly in Chapter One, and sings for Richie in Chapter Two.

Pennywise is heavily associated with the song Oranges and Lemons, which is a song about old London, where Mary Poppins lives, showing that Pennywise has an awareness that another member of his species is out there, and he knows exactly where they are.

At the end of Mary Poppins returns, the characters all grab balloons and float into the air, and balloons and floating are both highly associated with Pennywise.

I now formally demand that Stephen King and Disney collaborate on a shared-universe project, in which the Practically Perfect Nanny throws down with the Dancing Clown under Derry.

DISNEY'S ROBIN HOOD

 For Candy's Birthday treat, this afternoon, we watched this Disney classic film which she picked. on Disney+

This is a 1973 American animated musical adventure comedy film produced by Walt Disney Productions.

I have never ever seen this movie before but she has and she loves it. And I thought it was brilliant.

"The story of the legendary British outlaw portrayed with the characters as anthropomorphic animals."

The voice cast and animation was really good for it's time, and the story was good too, the humour was funny. and I'm really glad I have finally watched this great classic movie.

I shall rate this film a score of 8/10.

DOLLY'S BRACES?

 I've only just heard about this non-braces on Dolly.

I love this Bond film, and this was the reason why Jaws fell in love with her as she too had metal on her teeth.

I do believe in the Mandela Effect, for example -

"Sex in the City" and "Looney Toons" all exist in my memory as it always has been.

and that Nelson Mandela did die in prison.

"Are you familiar with the Mandela Effect? This is Richard Kiel and Blanche Ravalec as Jaws and Dolly in Moonraker-1979. A lot of people, including myself remember Dolly having braces in the film. If you re-watch the movie today, she clearly does not have braces, nor are there any pictures from this movie of her having braces. Thoughts?"

HELLO JASON AND KITTY!

 I met a famous person in Middlesbrough this afternoon.

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

 If you've seen the latest episode of Doctor Who (73 Yards), What do YOU think the Woman was saying to scare people away from Ruby?

My answer would be - "Run away now screaming as your career is about to end if you stick with this rubbish TV show, RTD is a useless writer, Run you fools!"

LEVEL X ARCADES

 Just got back from a lovely day in Middlesbrough's shopping centre, where we did not do any shopping for once as I treated Candy to the Arcade Machines at Level X, As an early birthday present. Photos to post later.

Candy enjoying herself at Level X arcades. She loved the bashing of things with the hammer, driving the ATV, Throwing beanbags, Basketballs into various holes, Throwing Axes on a board, Using the wrecking ball game, and the Mission Impossible shooting game.

I used the whack-a-mole game.

It was a great morning that we had.

HOLLYBLOOD

 Last Night, I watched this Spanish Teen Horror Rom-Comedy film on Netflix.

"The plot follows Javi, an unremarkable high school student infatuated with classmate Sara, fangirling in turn on a vampire book series, called HOLLYBLOOD, a rip-off of the Twilight book series.

Upon a series of misunderstandings, Sara ends up believing Javi to be a vampire, while the threat of an actual vampire looms in."

The film is very daft, silly, immature but very funny!

It takes the piss out of the whole Twilight franchise which is a bonus for me! It's not very gory but it's also a teen movie, so that's understandable.

The Spanish dub is okay as was the dialogue, the exchange about sexual feelings between Javi and his dad, after the father thinks that his son is gay is very funny.

I laughed a lot during this film and I thought it was a good movie to watch when you don't want to think about it and you need a distraction.

I shall rate this film a score of 6/10.

STATION 472

 High up on the high cliffs of the East Yorkshire coast, at the end of a barely used track, is a nondescript featureless grey building with no windows. A vane with little cups on the rotors spins round as the wind blows, and a variety of other sensors and antennae sprout around it. This all makes a lot of sense when you read the metal sign attached to the landward side of the building, which tells you that the building is property of the Environment Agency and that it is Atmospheric Pollution Monitoring Station 472.

Station 472 is indeed monitoring, but it is not pollution that it is watching for. If you could get in through the weighty metal door, which you can’t, you would find a very fragile old man doing nothing but sit in an armchair, staring into space. He won’t acknowledge you, but if you linger long some not at all fragile men from the government will arrive and put you in a Land Rover and then put you down a potash mine and curious cats may have nine lives, but you are not a cat.

The old man does not sleep, he does not eat, he does not drink. He just sits in the chair, facing the sea, even though his eyes cannot see it. He is just a vehicle for the spirit which is bound to him, and it is the spirit that watches out to sea, because walls mean nothing to it.

Station 472 is indeed monitoring, but it is not pollution that it is watching for. It is watching out to sea for things which might not come out from there for a thousand years, or they might come out tomorrow. And if they do, the spirit is there to call those who sleep under the hill, for they will be much needed.

THE THROWAWAYS

 This afternoon, we watched "The Throwaways" an action thriller film on Netflix.

"Notorious hacker Drew Reynolds is captured by the C.I.A. and given a proposition, work for them, or spend the rest of his life in prison. Agreeing on the condition that he can form his own team, he puts together a group of "throwaways", people deemed expendable, and seemingly the worst in the Agency. They are given a mission to search for a terrorist hacker in Bulgaria that has stolen a key that can destroy major cities."

This film has a good cast in the likes of Sam Huntington, Katie McGrath, Christian Hillborg, Jack Kesy, Kevin Dillon, and James Caan.

The action scenes were quite good and the movie was mixed with gunplay and humour as the agents travel around Bulgaria searching for a terrorist hacker.

We really enjoyed this film and it was a pleasant surprise as we have never heard of this film before.

I shall rate this flick a score of 8/10.

THE NAMELESS MONTH!

"Between September and October there is another month, the name of which is lost. Those few who know the secret sometimes pass it on. They write the name in the margins of a second-hand book in a charity shop, or they paint it amidst the graffiti on an end of terrace wall. If you say that name as the last second of September ticks away, you will get to live a month others will never see.

Watch out for its name."

MURDER, THEY HOPE

 Last Night, I binge-watched all 6 episodes of series 1 and 2 of this comedy drama series on BBC iPlayer.

Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson reunite in a series of whodunit comedy crime capers as Terry and Gemma, a bumbling pair of amateur private detectives who love to solve mysteries and murders whilst trying to organise their wedding, but crime gets in the way, as does Gemma's annoying sister.

Lee Mack has an ongoing role as a deranged serial killer who murders by nursery rhymes.

This series follows on from the three TV movies that was shown a few years ago on Gold TV. - Murder on the Blackpool Express, Death on the Tyne and Dial M for Middlesbrough.

The whole series is filled with British comedy actors in all 6 episodes and the three movies.

If you're a fan of Vegas and Gibson, then you will love this, If you're a fan of gentle crime capers, then you should love this as well. And I loved all 6 episodes.

This is a funny show and also quite gory too in a slapstick type of way, which was cool.

There is a 2023 Christmas special TV movie called "Blood Actually" which I need to find and watch. Hopefully, they will make more episodes.

I shall rate this series a score of 8/10.

DOCTOR WHO EP4 - 73 YARDS

 This afternoon, we watched Doctor Who Episode 4 - "73 Yards" on BBC iPlayer.

This was one of those Doctor-Lite stories, with Ncuti Gatwa only making a brief appearance at the beginning and the end of the episode.

Millie Gibson's "Ruby Sunday" takes centre stage in what was in fact her first episode she filmed for Doctor Who, before the 2023 Christmas Special and she was only 18 yrs old at the time. This was filmed at the end of 2022/beginning of 2023.

The story itself was badly written by RTD, and he left so many unanswered questions and situations that was never resolved by the end of the episode that Candy and I spent quite a while discussing it and complaining about it.

I was hoping the initial idea of the Doctor disappearing after entering a Fairy Circle and being followed by a mysterious stranger that is always 73 yards away from her would be more supernatural-esque and the talk of the sinister folk monster "Mad Jack" would be more interesting. But alas, it was not. Nothing really happens, Ruby spends the next 46 years alone, being haunted by the mysterious woman that makes everybody scream and run away in fear when confronted by them, including Ruby's mum and Kate from U.N.I.T. without any explanation on what was said. RTD has mentioned that you can imagine yourself what was said by the mysterious woman. (Bad Writing!!!)

Anyway, Ruby remembers something that the Doctor tells her before he disappears that the new UK PM from 2046 named Roger ap Gwilliam will cause a Nuclear War and Britain will be devastated. She manages to stop him by positioning the mysterious woman next to the PM by standing 73 yards away. He speaks to the mysterious woman and runs away in fear and resigns straight away.

After that, 20 more years pass by and Ruby is still followed by the mysterious woman as she ages into an old woman. in the end, Ruby is in a hospital bed near her end time when the mysterious woman appears again and it's Ruby all along! and then the old Ruby appears back in the past of 2024 and she watches her younger self and the Doctor depart from the TARDIS and she sends her young self a psychic message to stop the Doctor from stepping into the Fairy Circle and then she disappears for good and Ruby has no memories of anything as the episode does a Star Trek and presses the reset button and nothing that has happened has actually happened!

Sigh, this was a good episode in the way that it did not feature that prancing Ncuti Gatwa ruining it, and there was no wokeness or Gay-Agenda in the story. But Millie Gibson did a decent job with what she was given and at her young age.

The story had potential and I could have written it far better then RTD did.

The ratings for this episode was 2.6 million, slightly better then last weeks episode and the best (so far) of this season, but still a shit episode.

It was great to see Kate and U.N.I.T. and it's interesting that the Earth has not had any Alien invasions or any Apocalyptic threats with the Doctor not being around for the last 86+ years as they did not need him to help.

I shall rate this a score of 4/10.

RTD needs to go back to writing school as he is rubbish and very lazy!

HELL-RIDER

 After graduating from Harvard, Brick Reese is drafted and sent to fight in Vietnam. There, he's wounded with a bullet to the base of the skull. Since the wound is inoperable, Brick grants doctors permission to try the experimental drug Q-47 on him. The doctors say, "We don't know what kind of side-effects this might have." After a month of daily shots, the slug dissolves and Brick gains tremendous strength. However, since his powers are only intermittent, he puts them from his mind, returns home, and takes a job with the Los Angeles law firm of Williams and Williams. Only when rock singer/client, Julie Storm, is abducted does he soup-up his motorcycle, design a costume and put his occasionally heightened muscles to work as Hell-Rider.

Hell-Rider has a black belt in karate to fall back on when his muscles fail. His Harley sportster motorcycle is equipped with a flame-thrower under the headlights, rocket boosters for a nearly vertical ascent, napalm tanks and a jet which throws out an oil slick from the front.

ATLAS

 This afternoon, we watched this epic sci-fi action film on Netflix.

It stars Jennifer Lopez (who is a very good actress and fit as well), Mark Strong, Simu Liu, and Stirling K. Brown.

"A rogue AI Android terrorist wants to eliminate humanity and take over with his fellow Androids, after killing millions of Humans, he escapes the planet and it's down to a disgruntled AI Analyst who distrusts everyone, including AI to locate the terrorist and bring him back at any cost. But in doing so, she must start trusting the very thing she is hunting."

This is CGI heavy but it needs to be as you have giant robots, alien worlds and space travel, all set in the far future of the late 21st century.

Most of the scenes in this 2 hr film is Jennifer Lopez piloting a giant Mech suit that transverses an alien world whilst battling the elements and rogue androids. This is a very action packed film, with some neat witty humour from her and her AI Mech Suit with some added emotional scenes to add weight.

All of it fitting very nicely.

I will say this, DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LIKES OF ROTTEN TOMATOES AND IMDB REVIEWERS when it comes to this film as they must have been watching something different. Watch it yourself if you like action sci-fi movies and giant robots, etc and make up your own mind. That's my mantra with all films, don't listen to these websites and their reviews as everybody is different.

I will watch this again, so I've saved it on my watchlist.

I shall rate this film a score of 9/10.

WHICH CAPTAIN TO PICK!

 

GEORGE IS VERY CURIOUS!

 

TWO TV LEGENDS

The Legendary Baroness Floella Benjamin and Johnny Ball at the Chelsea Flower Show yesterday.

Two wonderful people from my childhood television days that taught me more than my parents ever did!

BING AI DOWN!

 Yesterday I was there, during the darkest hours of my life, Rain was pouring down all over me, as the hurtful words appeared on my screen.

Bing AI was down and nobody knew what to do, how to live, how to survive. What were we to do?

How would we continue the struggle without Bing?

Only time would tell.

Time to die!

LEGGING

 Legging was a method of moving a boat through a canal tunnel. Early canal tunnels were built without a towpath as this would require a much larger bore, and hence cost more to build. Prior to the introduction of motorized boats, legging was one of the few options for getting a boat through such a tunnel.

THE ONE ABOVE ALL THINGS

 Count Nicholas Von Drake,he has worn many names across many universes his age is undetermined if indeed age applies to one who can cross universes swim the great river of time. The Count in response fear his name eyes "A vampire? No child I am not the name well let's just say Count Dracula and I had....encounters I slew him on several occasions" what's true with him is unknown just vampires avoid are afraid of him. His power is frightening name the spell he knows it name the discipline including black magic he mastered it his physical or as he says corporeal form is incredibly strong fast resistant to all disease infection impervious to bullets blades if fast enough hit him that is. His motives unclear though when he shows up the situation is bad indeed and faced with truly vile his calm impassive expression becomes terrifying rage. Some say he is a god others he serves The One Above All Things that mortal humans call God no one knows for sure about this enigmatic figure and based on his power known moment rage and fact even a starving vampire flees at sight of him none dare risk asking

BREAKING APART!

 Breaking apart!

The Rift Valley is located in Pinglu, Shanxi on the Loess Plateau, a highland area in north-central China covering some 400,000 square km.

It was formed due to movements within the earth's crust and it is about 10 km long.

McDONALDS MEMORIES FROM 2019

2019 - A huge congratulations to Petra who celebrates 40 incredible years with McDonald's at Centre MK today. Petra joined the McDonalds at just 16 years old back on the day the centre opened in 1979.

THE JUSTICE GUARD

 The Justice Guard

Forming of Team:

The year was 2023, and the world was facing an unprecedented crisis. A powerful alien entity known as Xar'Thul, bent on subjugating Earth, had arrived with an army of biomechanical drones. His mission: to extract Earth's resources and enslave humanity. Governments and traditional military forces were ill-equipped to counter such an advanced threat. This was the moment when disparate heroes from around the world would come together to form The Justice Guard.

Core Members and powers

**Thunderstrike (Jason Mitchell)**

**Powers:** Control over electricity.

**Background:** Jason Mitchell discovered his ability to harness and manipulate electricity in his teenage years. Using his powers, he took on the persona of Thunderstrike, becoming a beacon of hope and justice. His dedication to protecting the innocent has made him a central figure in the Justice Guard.

---

**Starlight (Emily Thompson)**

**Powers:** Manipulation of light energy.

**Background:** Starlight can bend, shape, and harness light energy, allowing for a range of abilities including creating blinding flashes, energy blasts, and even invisibility. She is known for her strategic mind and calm demeanor, which help the team navigate complex situations.

---

**Ironclad (Marcus Grant)**

**Powers:** Super strength and invulnerability.

**Background:** Ironclad's incredible physical strength and near-invulnerability make him the team's powerhouse. His origins are mysterious, with some believing he is a result of a secret government experiment. Despite his rough exterior, he has a strong moral compass and a heart of gold.

---

**Cybershade (Alex Kim)**

**Powers:** Advanced hacking skills and cybernetic enhancements.

**Background:** A former hacker turned hero, Cybershade has integrated cutting-edge cybernetic enhancements into his body, giving him unparalleled abilities in digital warfare and technology manipulation. He acts as the team's tech expert, often providing critical intel and countering technological threats.

---

**Quantum Sentinel (Dr. Alexander Mercer)**

**Powers:** Control over quantum and cosmic energies.

**Background:** Dr. Alex Mercer was a brilliant physicist working on a revolutionary project combining quantum mechanics and cosmic energy. The experiment, aimed at harnessing these forces for unlimited clean energy, went awry, resulting in a massive explosion. However, instead of dying, Alex's body was transformed into an indestructible, shimmering metal form, and he gained control over quantum and cosmic energies. Now known as Quantum Sentinel, he uses his newfound abilities to protect Earth and explore the cosmos.

---

**Team Dynamics**

The Justice Guard, under the leadership of Thunderstrike, functions as a well-oiled machine, each member complementing the others' strengths:

- **Thunderstrike** often leads the charge in combat, using his electrical powers to incapacitate enemies and power devices.

- **Starlight** provides both offensive and defensive support, using her light manipulation to create barriers, blind foes, or illuminate dark areas.

- **Ironclad** is the team's shield, taking on the heaviest hitters and protecting his teammates from harm.

- **Cybershade** stays connected to the digital world, disrupting enemy communications, hacking security systems, and providing real-time data analysis to strategize effectively.

- **Quantum Sentinel** brings his expertise in quantum and cosmic energies, offering both immense power and scientific knowledge to tackle the most complex threats.

**Base of Operations:**

Located on a secluded island, the Citadel of Justice is a state-of-the-art fortress equipped with cutting-edge technology and defensive systems. This high-tech facility serves as the headquarters for The Justice Guard, providing them with the resources and strategic advantage needed to combat global threats. The Citadel is fortified against any attacks and houses advanced training facilities, research labs, and a command center for monitoring worldwide activity.

Together, they tackle global threats, from rogue metahumans to alien invasions, always standing as a united front against the forces of evil. The Justice Guard's commitment to justice and their diverse abilities make them one of the most formidable superhero teams in the world.