A FIRST FOR ME.

I've just been on the website - PornHub, for the very first time.
Reason why?
I needed to watch some naked Women having sex with Men.
It brought back memories of when I use to go out with my then girlfriend, Susan.
We did have a lot of good sex back then, not the best but it was something.
Why was I not thinking about my dear wife Candy?
Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that we have not had sex since 16th March 2005.
We've not even fooled around together, no foreplay, I'm not even allowed to see her fully naked, Showing off her naked bits, etc.
Okay I do get to see her full frontal, but that's it.
And since losing my legs, 7 yeas ago, I cannot get a hard-on, nor can I actually wank anymore.
We did not even have sex on our wedding night!
This is a sore point for me in my life, being ill, losing my legs, and now not being able to have sex with my wife.
And it's not even my fault!
I have always given her compliments, and the sex was awesome between us, until she stopped.
She has given me stupid excuses, and they are fucking stupid.
I have finally found a woman that I thought I would want to spend the rest of my life with, but I don't know now.
She has really pissed me off big time and has hurt me so much.
The chance of me ever being a father has now long gone, because of her.
But I'm not surprised as she does not like children.
The closest to anything sexual with her, is touching her bum.
I've lost all sexual attraction for Candy now, she is still very beautiful, but she does nothing for me anymore.
We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore either.
That started years ago, back in Stokesley, as my legs swelled up.
And then here in Great Ayton, after breaking my back, Which Candy did by saving me as I had a seizure.
So for the last 4 years, I've been sleeping in my wheelchair.
She won't even tidy the bedroom/living room area to try and move the bed around, for me to actually try and sleep in the bed anymore.
She will always make an excuse not to do it, even saying it will bring up dust!
I've even started dreaming of other women, and what my life would be like in a relationship with any of them.
And each time, I am very happy until I have to wake up in this godforsaken reality full of pain. and regrets.
I really do hate this, and I dislike myself for the thoughts I have.
How come, I found a beautiful lady who I want to make love too, and yet it is denied from me.
Would I have stayed with her if I had my legs?
Who knows?