Thursday, 10 March 2022

FUNNIES

Just some Funnies this Morning to cheer myself up before I go all serious.

1/ How do you convince Americans to get involved in a war?
Tell them it's nearly finished.

2/ A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

3/ I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.
It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

4/ Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

5/ A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The British National Party's School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

6/ Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its
£2.50 a minute (charges may vary).

7/ Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

8/ Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then.
God, I love my new Taser!

9/ Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bradford.

10/ If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

11/ They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

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